The New Me

I am not sure if I should be saying this as I am not a perfect human being. I make mistakes - sometimes I spend too much money on useless stuffs and sometimes I even wasted my times watching too many dramas which then, I found them frustrating. But, that's it. I am who I wanted to be. Plus, the fact that I am a growing up teenager never affects my lifestyle.

I totally had no idea on what I have been looking for all this time, after experiencing 18 years of living in my hometown. But, trust me. Somehow, I feel like I am just an ordinary girl who is lacking something. Is it money? - Oh you sure must be kidding. Or maybe love? God. Mom and dad shower me with lots of love and care so what am I expecting?

I feel uneasy until one day I questioned myself ;

'WHO AM I GONNA BE?'

Well, of course. I definitely will never become a prime minister as I am not into politics and for sure, I would never become an engineer (which dad had always dreamed of) as I have this kind of love-hate relationship with addmaths - at the same time I used to tell mom that being a chef is at the bottom of my list so don't bother to have me memorize all types of spices. Next, a tailor? Oh, it never crossed my mind even once. Seriously.

Okay, wait. Maybe that is too much. Actually, I do think that I might become a chef but when I imagined myself in apron, holding pans in both hands like a pro, I had suddenly become a paranoid. What if I accidently put sugar instead of salt? What if I have mistaken parsley for lemon grass? – which is actually kind of impossible as my ten years old brother could recognize them well.

Seriously, this is such a nerve-wrecking! I need to know what I wanted to be so that I can make my way towards it. Therefore, I went to asked my friends the same question and guess what? They simply answered it with a joy.

“Oh, I want to do business in the future. Well, you know how much I like the smell of money coming in”

“I am thinking of having my own cloth lines. Who knows maybe Angelina Jolie would wear one of my pieces during Oscar in the future”

“ I had love to join the medical team. As you know, it is all about treating people who are suffering for diseases and I bet it could not be any better when someone thanked you for your hardwork.”

That is when I feel a sudden pang that awakens me from my fantasy. A medical team. At that very moment I have this feeling in me saying that I wanted to become a neurologist, but then I, cowardly hide the fact as I thought it is nothing but ridiculous. However, it keeps on bothering me which at last I had decided to discuss it with my parents and teachers.

To my surprise, they believe in me. They said it is possible - but that only valid if I am willing to sacrifice a lot of things including window shopping. Honestly, I had like to protest but then I realize, I am actually making towards my dream, so who cares? Who is craving for that Dior perfumes when I am about to achieve my lifetime goal? - unless they are on sales haha

Okay. So, that's it. I am deleting my previous characters and I am struggling inside to build the new me. Consequently, I will make sure everything will work out as it planned and I know, I can. On the other hand, I am coping with my self-confidence and so far, it is going good. Plus, I remember this quote which helps to keep my spirit high. 

"Don't compare your struggles to anyone else's. Don't get discouraged by the success of others. Make your own path and never give up"